I really miss J today. (And I did yesterday.) Talking to him makes it worse. I don't want to lose or lessen our connection, but I also don't want to get bogged down in that sticky emotional swamp. It's been hard to focus on other things beside Relationship. Granted, I think relationships are one of the most fundamental and important things in life, so focusing on them to some extent is Good. But... I've got the rest of my life too. My writing and soul-searching and exercise and search for autonomy and... self-actualization? I just want the skills to know I will more or less be okay. Maybe that kind of assurance isn't available in life though. Life being this scary vast ungoverned thing.
The scariest part of getting a divorce is the fear that I might not find someone I like to sleep next to every night. That's my favorite part of being married.
