August 24, 2021

A short one today! My brother called me yesterday and admitted that he had called everyone else in my family before me. I'm the last pick in the family draft! How rude. 

One of the grad students in the lab defends today. Party prep and execution is like my whole thing today. We're getting him a mitochondria cake. I'm excited and nervous to see how it turns out!  

August 20, 2021

I wanted to say something else about my IUD swap yesterday. The procedure went more smoothly than the first time I got an IUD, but the cramps afterwards were way worse. I could barely drive myself home. I felt nauseated, light-headed, and I was sweating. I was moaning and crying in pain actually out loud while I lay on the couch. I feel like it's weird to moan in pain when no one is around to hear or help -- what's the point? But I was doing it. What else was there to do? 

Anyway, I called my husband who was at work. He's very busy with work lately but I figured my intense pain rated. He called the clinic to get me a pain killer prescription. He said he'd call me back once they filled it. Shortly afterwards, I took another ibuprofen (I had already had a lot) and ate a weed gummy. I think the gummy helped the most. But once the pain subsided, I felt foolish for making such a big deal out of the whole thing. Granted, of course, I didn't know the pain was going to decrease. I was worried it would carry on like that for hours. But instead of being just relieved, I felt like I had done a bad thing for calling attention to myself. Like the situation would have been better if the pain lasted several hours. Fucked up. 

Mlog Time! 

THE LONG GOODBYE

1973

Directed by: Robert Altman

Written by: Leigh Brackett

Based on: The Long Goodbye by Raymond Chandler 

Watched: 8/19/21

Philip Marlowe receives a late-night visit from his friend Terry Lennox. Lennox is looking the worse for wear – fingernail grooves across his face and blood on his knuckles. Lennox needs a ride to Tijuana and Marlowe obliges. Marlowe’s then picked up by the police for helping Lennox, who’s charged for the murder of his wife, Sylvia. Marlowe doesn’t tell the police anything. He’s then released when reports come that Lennox had confessed and committed suicide in Mexico. Marlowe doesn’t buy the murder/suicide story. 

Eileen Wade, a wealthy wife of the author Roger Wade, hires Marlowe to find her husband. He’s been missing for several days and has a drinking problem. Marlowe finds him at a rehab clinic and brings him home. The Wades live just down the street from the Lennoxes, and Marlowe suspects Roger of killing Sylvia, as he has a violent temper. Then Marty Augustine and his goons show up at Marlowe’s apartment. Lennox had $355,000 of their money, and Augustine wants it back. He threatens Marlowe and hits his own girlfriend in the face with a coke bottle. Marlowe’s almost done for when somebody shows up with the money. 

Marlowe finds Lennox in Mexico. The suicide was a fake to get Augustine and the cops off his back. Sylvia was having an affair with Roger, and when Lennox found out he killed her. Eileen sent the money to Augustine as Eileen and Lennox are a couple. Marlowe, disgusted with all this, shoots Lennox dead. 

I liked this movie. Altman’s style of naturalistic dialogue with lots of overlap between the actors comes through here. I also love Marlowe as a character. He’s the underdog in nearly every situation, but he manages to not lose his cool, to not give in. For example, in a scene with Augustine and his goons, Augustine tells everyone to get naked. The goons and Augustine oblige, but Marlowe just keeps talking. He takes off his jacket, but after a couple of minutes, he’s the only person in the room that’s still clothed. He just seems mentally very well balanced, and he doesn’t give his power away even in frightening situations. Another example, the immediately after the first time Augustine shows up, Marlowe runs down to follow them in his car. He’s brave, level-headed, and admittedly weak. Hyper masculine but in a novel and interesting way… and the only on-screen masculinity that I can think of that doesn’t strike me as corny. 

Rating: ★★★

August 19, 2021

I got my IUD swapped out today. Last one I got was in November of 2016. The doctor couldn't get it up there so they called a second doctor in. They also did a sonogram to try to see what was blocking it. I think (after today's appointment) I just have a narrow part of my cervix. Tough to get the little booger up and in. I had never been able to feel the strings on the first one, and they didn't have me come in for a follow up appointment, so I was never really sure if the first one went in right. It turns out it had. And I guess if it had come out, I ought to have noticed. It's this spindly chunk of plastic. (I know "spindly" and "chunk" are contradictory descriptions.) But the inside of my body is largely a mystery to me. I'm worried I have a closet in there full of forgotten-about tampons. 

It was also the first time I've been to a male OBGYN. He was very nice and professional. Didn't assault me, which was nice. I got a pap smear for the first time in like a decade. (TMI on this post, but you know.) The doc asked if I got the HPV vaccine when I was little. I told him yes. Although, I got it when I was a teenager -- it had just come out. People tend to think I'm younger than I am, which I guess is good. 

My getting of the HPV vaccine is an interesting thing to me, because if I remember right, my mom was the one who signed me up for it. I grew up in a pretty conservative Christian culture where abstinence education was the standard.  Even more than birth control, it seems like an HPV vaccine would be something my mom would think -- Well, she shouldn't need this because she will only ever have sex with one person. But she had me get it anyway. It's a nice thought because I think it says she cared more about me and my health (HPV isn't so bad except that certain strains can increase your risk for cancer) than about my morality. It's a comforting thought. 

August 18, 2021

I did a bunch of laundry yesterday. My friend visited for the weekend, and once she left I had beach towels, regular towels, sheets, clothes, etc. to get washed. I mention it because we have a coin-operated washer and dryer in our apartment complex. (It's not really big enough to be called a "complex" though. It's more of an apartment simple.) A co-worker of mine gave me this key he bought off the internet. It works on speed queen washer/dryers, and shortly after he bought it, his building switched brands. The key doesn't work on our washer, but it does on the dryer. Meaning we get free dryer time now. It only saves a $1.25, but each time I use that key I feel like a king. A rebel. A smart person who is saving so much money. It makes me feel much better than a regular free washer/dryer ever could. 

More stuff -- my husband and I went to the channel islands with my friend while she was in town. On the boat ride over we saw a bunch of dolphins. They swam with and under the prow of the boat. It was amazing. The day was also really still, the water clear and unobstructed. (I said all that to avoid saying the water was "like glass.") I've been able to sleep better the past couple of nights because I think of the dolphins swimming and jumping while I'm falling asleep. 

Mlog Time! 

GOSFORD PARK

2001

Directed by: Robert Altman

Written by: Julian Fellowes

Watched: 8/17/21

Upstairs/Downstairs murder mystery. This movie felt a lot like Downton Abbey because the writer did Downton Abbey (which was initially conceived as a spinoff). Maggie Smith is in it! In the 1930s, Sir William – a man rich from owning a factory and married to an aristocrat – throws a shooting party. Nobody likes Sir William very much. All the upper class people around him need him for his money but don’t approve of his affairs (both business and personal). Mary Maceachran, Maggie Smith’s maid, is new and is shown around by Elsie, the maid of the house, and the only person who actually likes Sir William. (He dusts crumbs off her shirt in one scene. It’s cute.) There’s also an actor in the family who’s brought along an American director (who’s constantly on the phone with California.) Mary befriends Robert, a valet of one of the guests. 

There’s lots of conflicts flying around. A man who married his low-born wife for money, which has now run out. She’s the only one who’s actually impressed by the famous actor. A blackmail plot against Sir William’s daughter for an affair and an abortion. Everyone’s begging for money. Upstairs people are sleeping with downstairs people in the middle of the night. Eventually, Sir William is murdered. First he’s poisoned and then, later, is stabbed. It turns out that Robert stabbed him. Robert is Sir William’s illegitimate son from back when Sir William would rape the women working in his factory. Robert’s mother gave him up for adoption and soon afterwards (he believes) died. But Miss Wilson, the housekeeper, realizes that Robert is actually her son, and that he intends on killing Sir William. To protect her son, Mrs. Morris is the one who poisons Sir William first. The movie ends without Robert knowing who his mother is. 

Man! This was a great screenplay. The relevant information comes out so naturally that I don’t remember which scenes told me what. I just feel like I came to know this and that, like if you’re at a party or a workplace and rumors go around. There were also spots in which I was confused about who everyone was, but that didn’t actually bother me so much. It created a feeling of the whole house being thick with drama and desperation, which I liked. The murder came halfway (or later) in the movie. Knowing someone (probably Sir William because lots of people wanted him dead) was going to get murdered help push the story along. But even the investigation didn’t really drive the movie – we see little snippets of the interviews but not more. The enjoyment was mostly in the personal dramas of the characters, their desperations, their aspersions, their hopes. Then someone died and we eventually found out how it happened and that was well enough. 

Rating: ★★★★

August 17, 2021

I'm trying to be better at feeling my feelings. Being aware of my mental state instead of trying to constantly shove everything down and out of the way. I've been keeping a mood tracker app. I've also been trying to fix or better handle negative emotions. Trying to plan ahead so that these negative experiences don't happen so often. 

I'm trying to eliminate negative emotions and negative experiences, and when I'm not able to do this, I feel like I'm failing. I've been spending a lot of effort on it this year, and I feel tired. I had significant swirling negative emotions this past weekend, and I feel discouraged. I've been trying so hard at this, hard enough that I don't feel I have more to give to this particular project. 

Analysis: too much booze! I'm sure this is a factor. While drinking is fun, I think I'm feeling a cumulative effect. Kind of a hot wet blanket on my brain. Also, I have one or two things that I've been procrastinating on for no reason. They're just not the most enjoyable tasks, but they're not hard. But they've been persisting on my to-do list for weeks now. I need to get them off. 

I also wonder if the Drew/Gun dynamic is in play a little bit. (See video.) My Drew is whining a lot. 

Side note: watching the above video also made me reflect on my teaching. I think I'm frequently giving kids more that 4-5 novel things at a time. I think it will be useful to look at my lesson plan for the day and make sure there's only 4-5 novel concepts (or chunks) in there. Have the rest of class be working with those new concepts, rather than piling on more and more. 

It also seems good to know as a learner. Say I'm feeling overwhelmed. Instead of thinking "I must be stupid," I can count how many new things are being thrown at me. Once I'm up to four or five, just focus on those. Come back to the rest of the new stuff later. 

But, to connect the earlier part of this post -- I'm wondering how often a negative emotion (discomfort, frustration, fatigue) can be associated with a positive outcome (e.g. learning, change). Maybe the emotions themselves shouldn't be the end of my metric/information for myself and how well I'm doing. 

August 11, 2021

I had a mini breakdown last night because I wanted my husband to tell me that we could definitely move to the UK or Prague in two years so I could do a film school and live somewhere else for a while. I like LA, but I'm itching for a genuinely new part of the world. I like my apartment and my job and my routine, but it's been pretty similar over the last three years. I'm in my thirties but I don't want that to mean I can't have a major life change other than having a baby.  The weather doesn't even change here. 

I'm excited, lately, about running the lab's Twitter feed. I'm a low-key science communicator! I might accidentally make the lab look stupid. I plan on avoiding any scandal or controversy. It's just fun tweeting when it's not from me. Not about my life and the whole push/pull of my intentions of looking cool or interesting and the possible failures of those attempts. It's just like nah, Here's what's going on. Here's something kind of interesting. 

In journal club, we discussed an interesting paper from 2019 that has nothing to do with our lab. It’s from Robert A. DePalma et al, and it explores what happened immediately after the Chicxulub impact 66 million years ago. https://t.co/Vy7LMq13pU

— Teitell Lab (@TeitellLab) August 11, 2021

Mlog Time! 

THE DISCREET CHARM OF THE BOURGEOISIE 

1972

Directed by: Luis Buñuel

Written by: Luis Buñuel, Jean-Claude Carrière\

Watched: 8/9/21

Six bourgeois friends keep trying to get together for dinner, but something always interrupts them. The first time it’s a miscommunication on the date of the dinner. Then it’s a wake at a restaurant for the manager who died only hours before. It’s that one of the couples wants to finish making love and their guests thinks they’ve fled the house in fear. Another time they’re interrupted by a military brigade who’s then called away to do alarmingly close military maneuvers. (Copped a little bit of that text from Wikipedia because it’s a good description and made me laugh.) There are also a few subplots – one of the men is a diplomat from a fictional south American country and he’s smuggling in a bunch of coke. He thinks terrorists are after him, including an impoverished young woman. There’s a corporal with sad eyes who had a vision of his late mother who told him that his father was not his father and that he killed her. The son then poisons the “father.” A bishop takes a gardening position at one of the rich friends’ houses. He’s an orphan from rich parents who died by arsenic poisoning. They never caught the guy. The bishop/gardener is called to the deathbed of a farmer/gardener who confesses to killing his employers with arsenic. The bishop/gardener tells the dying man that those were his parents. He forgives the man of his sins and then shoots him with a shot gun. The latter half of the movie is a bunch of dreams – fears of the characters, says Wikipedia. Dying, dueling, being on stage and not knowing your lines. Also from Wikipedia: “Buñuel did not attend his own press screening in Los Angeles and told a reporter at Newsweek that his favorite characters in the film were the cockroaches.”

I watched this movie to try to get inspired for the rewrite I’m working on. I liked the first half quite a lot. I wasn’t as much of a fan of the dreams. The movie’s primarily a comedy… I think, with the rich people barely reacting to all these bizarre happenings. I think I’d like it more if I were better watched/read/whatever in the surrealist movement. As I’m watching, I’m trying to make sense of things, and it seems like the answer is It doesn’t make sense. It feels unsatisfying. As a viewer, I’m not sure how to come at something like this. 

        There was one part near the end when the maid explains that her fiancé left her. He left her because he thinks she’s too old. When asked, she says she’s 52. The man of the house agrees that she’s worked in their house since he was a boy. The actress playing her is probably 19. It made me laugh. 

Rating: ★★★

 

August 10, 2021

A mishmash of things today. 

First, this weekend, I went on a free tour of the UCLA Botanical Gardens. It was me and people in their 60s-80s. One woman exclaimed, "Oh! What a wonderful tree!" and the guide agreed, "It is a wonderful tree." I teared up a little. I needed the change of pace. 

Second, I read the Journal Club paper for lab this week. It's an odd one because it's a paleontology/geology paper -- way different than the lab's usual expertise. I made a glossary to help myself out with all the terms, and I think it's pretty neat. There were some good words in there. 

Journal Club Glossary

Aggradation (or alluviation) is the term used in geology for the increase in land elevation, typically in a river system, due to the deposition of sediment.

 

Attenuated: having been reduced in force, effect, or value. thin or reduced in thickness.

Basal: forming or belonging to a bottom layer or base. 

Bleb: a small blister on the skin. a small bubble in glass or in a fluid. a rounded outgrowth on the surface of a cell.

Bioturbation: (geology) the disturbance of sedimentary deposits by living organisms.

Clast: (geology) a constituent fragment of clastic rock. 

Clastic rock: (geology) Clastic rocks are composed of fragments, or clasts, of pre-existing minerals and rock.

 

Crevasse splay: (geology) A crevasse splay is a sedimentary fluvial deposit which forms when a stream breaks its natural or artificial levees and deposits sediment on a floodplain

 

Cross stratification: (geology) cross-bedding, also known as cross-stratification, is layering within a stratum and at an angle to the main bedding plane. The sedimentary structures which result are roughly horizontal units composed of inclined layers.

 

Diagenesis: recombination or rearrangement of constituents (as of a chemical or mineral) resulting in a new product.

Imbricate: Overlap or cause to overlap

Interlaminated: inserted between layers. 2. To arrange in alternating layers.

Isochronous: occurring at the same time. 

Lithology: the study of the general physical characteristics of rocks. 

Pedogenic: relating to or denoting processes occurring in soil or leading to the formation of soil.

Point bar: (geology) an alluvial deposit that forms by accretion on the inner side of an expanding loop of a river.

 

Seiche: A seiche is a standing wave in an enclosed or partially enclosed body of water. a temporary disturbance or oscillation in the water level of a lake or partially enclosed body of water, especially one caused by changes in atmospheric pressure.

Shocked minerals: (geology) The extreme physical conditions that are imposed by intense shock waves on the rocks through which they pass produce unique, recognizable, and durable shock-metamorphic effects; such shock waves are produced naturally only by the hypervelocity impacts of extraterrestrial objects. Shock-metamorphic effects include shatter cones, melted rocks, and crystal deformations. 

 

Splash-form: shaped like spheres, ellipsoids, teardrops, dumbbells, and other forms characteristic of isolated molten bodies. They are regarded as having formed from the solidification of rotating liquids, and not atmospheric ablation.

Stratigraphy: the branch of geology concerned with the order and relative position of strata and their relationship to the geological time scale.

Stratum: (geology) a layer or a series of layers of rock in the ground.

Subaerial: (geology) existing, occurring, or formed in the open air or on the earth's surface, not underwater or underground.

Taphonomy: Taphonomy is the study of how organisms decay and become fossilized or preserved in the archaeological record.

Third, it's Blog time. 

Blog Time! 

Rogen, Seth – YEARBOOK 

Published: 2021

Read: 8/2021

A collection of essays by Seth Rogen about his childhood, drugs, getting into conflict with North Korea over The Interview, meeting Nicholas Cage, etc. I was impressed with his story about how he had to fire his manager (a grown adult) when Rogen was just 19. I’m not sure I could do that now, and I’m 34. I think Seth’s also an interesting amalgam: laid back and hardline, shlubby and cool, wayward and collected. Something to try to emulate, having that balance of strengths. 

Rating: ★★★

August 9, 2021

I need to get back to doing these regularly. I think they help me mentally. My mentality. Oh the humanity. 

Going straight into Blog because without doing these every morning, I get behind on Mlog/Blog. And I really like Mlog/Blog. It helps me pay attention and remember what I'm reading and watching. 

Blog Time! 

Miller, Madeline – CIRCE 

Published: 2018

Read: 8/2021

Circe spans the story of Prometheus, Dedalus, the Minotaur, Jason and the Argonauts, and the Odyssey all from the perspective of Circe, the immortal sea witch. She’s the unloved daughter of the sun god, Helios. She’s not quite beautiful enough, not powerful enough. That is until she realizes that, along with her sister and two brothers, she’s a Pharmicus (sp? I listened to it), a witch. She has a tough time around the other gods. She prefers her interactions with mortals. She’s exiled to the island of Aiaia because she turned her human lover Glaucus to a god and her rival nymph Silla to a sea monster. Later, on the island, she welcomes in sailors into her home, feeds them, and then turns them into pigs because they’re there to rape and rob her (figuring as a woman alone, she’s easy pickings). Basically a lot happens, and in the end she marries Odysseus’ and Penelope’s son and becomes a mortal.  

I have condensed the summary because I’m behind on writing this Blog post, and I want to make sure I actually finish it. Circe had been on my list for a few years and I hadn’t started it because I felt… nervous? I was worried it would be tough to get into, but when I actually started it this time, it wasn’t hard at all. I liked how Circe (the character) wasn’t great at everything. Although a goddess, she wasn’t some dazzling perfect protagonist. She was a loser at court – even from birth – because she didn’t have much power and her cheekbones weren’t quite perfect (or something like that), despite having the sun as her father. The book does a great job at depicting the squabbling shallowness of the gods while still illustrating their beauty and power. I liked the study of the mortals. How Circe’s power comes through witchcraft which requires toil, trial and error, something that gods can’t stand. Everything comes easy to them. They wish it and it is so. But mortals work and toil. They are the ones who become the craftsmen. Circe’s magic – her gardening and her spells – is her craft, and although it’s inconvenient and potentially haphazard, requiring specific ingredients, circumstances, planning and forethought, she’s able to do things even the greater gods cannot. It was great! 

Rating: ★★★1/2

Spike Milligan

These are funny parts in Spike Milligan's War Memoirs. 

Adolf Hitler: My Part in His Downfall

Uncle Willie, a pre-death mortician, who hadn't worked for years, started making small wooden mushrooms. He sent them to Air-Marshall Harris requesting they be dropped on Germany to prove that despite five days of war, British craftsmanship still flourished. 

Father and son were then shown the door, the windows, and finally the street. [...] Father left. With head held high and feet held higher, he was thrown out. 

Great-Grandfather, Sergeant John Henry Kettleband, had been killed in the Indian Mutiny, by his wife, his last words were, "Oh!" His father had died in a military hospital after being operated on for appendicitis by a drunken doctor. On his tombstone was carved -- "RIP. In Memory of Sgt. Thomas Kettleband. Died of appendicitis for his King & Country."

Loading the barbell to one hundred and sixty pounds (about $70) I heaved at the weights. 

The die was cast. It was a proud day for the Milligan family as I was taken from the house. "I'm too young to go," I screamed as Military Policemen dragged me from my pram, clutching a dummy. At Victoria Station the R.T.O. gave me a travel war rant, a white feather and a picture of Hitler marked "This is your enemy." I searched every compartment, but he wasn't on the train. At 4:30, June 2nd, 1940, on a summer's day all mare's tails and blue sky we arrived at Bexhill-on-Sea, where I got off. It wasn't easy. The train didn't stop there. 

The walls once white were now thrice grey. From a peeling ceiling hung a forty watt bulb that when lit made the room darker. 

The young blond pilot was being treated by the Battery Cook, Gunner Sherry, who had been discharged from the Army on the grounds of Insanity, then invited to join up again on the same grounds. 

August 5, 2021

Yesterday, you said you'd call Sears. 

I met with the director about my script, yesterday. (I signed a shopping agreement contract with the producer on Monday.) He basically wants me to rewrite the whole thing. Nearly the whole thing. He wants me to turn it back into a mystery and add set pieces, deepen the characters. It's writing for free, which is not good (although I get to keep everything). But I'm interested in these changes, and I'm also looking at it like maybe this will help me improve as a writer. It's the kind of notes that are more about actually making a movie and not just a script, which is something I'd like to do. Write with clearer eyes about what these things are actually supposed to become. 

I'm fighting a rising panic about how much work it might be. I've got an outline to turn around in a week. (I need to finish the second draft of my current script by the end of this week.) Luckily, the characters are all in place. And also luckily, I work part time. And luckily, I've been cruising on writing for a few months now. 

Mlog Time

BLACK WIDOW

2021

Directed by: Cate Shortland

Written by: Eric Pearson

Watched: 7/31/21

Black Widow, Natasha, is on the run and goes to Norway to lay low. Her sister – but not her real sister, her pretend sister when they were living as spies in Ohio for three years as kids – is still under the thumb of the Red Room. She and the other black widows are doing stuff when the sister, Yelena, gets shot in the face with this red mist that undoes her mind control. Yelena sends the other vials of red mist to Natasha. Natasha, not knowing what the vials are, gets attacked by this scary big masked dude. Natasha and Yelena meet up. Y’s upset that Natasha never came back for her, never tried to free her. Together they have to work to stop the red room and free the other widows who are under the mind control. The women free their “father,” the Red Guardian, from prison and go to see their “mother,” the scientist who engineered the mind control drugs in the first place. The mother alerts the red room, but admits to it before they arrive. The family gets taken to the red room and uses their wiles, fighting skills, and technology to take the whole thing down. In the end, the police or whoever pick up Natasha, but the others get away. The post-credit sequence is Yelena visiting Natasha’s grave. 

There were some good parts to this. The beginning, with the backstories, was pretty great. They make Natasha a true tomboy as a kid, which I really liked. When Natasha and Yelena meet as adults, they have this huge physical fight because they don’t trust each other. I liked that a lot because the whole time I was like Nooooo. Don’t hurt each other! They also show that Natasha has a ton of nasty bruises on her back, which I also appreciated. These fights cost something. There’s also a set piece where the mother is demonstrating the mind control – she makes her pig stop breathing. She holds it for so long the pig almost dies. I don’t like animals getting hurt, but I thought it was a tense and potent way of getting the point across. 

A lot of things I didn’t like though. Rachel Weisz and David Harbour played the parents, and they were both really really silly, especially when speaking in Russian accents. It sort of came across like, Aren’t Russian accents silly?? I love those actors, but just hire some fucking Russians, please? They can still act silly, but it would be a lot funnier I think, because actors being silly Russian when they’re supposed to be actually Russian is weird. Also, Black Widow comes across as fairly sanctimonious in this movie, and that’s something that nobody takes the piss out of. I feel like in Captain America movies, he’s sanctimonious but it is poked at a little. This movie takes her righteousness 100% seriously, and yet in so many action scenes, innocent bystanders are killed, and Black Widow isn’t phased at all. The MCU seems to think that some people matter a lot (i.e. the Avengers) and other people don’t matter at all (regular people) unless all of the regular people and the Earth will be destroyed. But even that feels like just an excuse to go smashy smashy and write off the deaths of some regular people as necessary. I’m not a fan.  

Rating: ★★