I'm trying to be happy. I'm reminding myself to decorate my walls with photos. I volunteered in a research study on depression where they zap your brain with electricity while you identify and remember the emotional expression on people's faces. I volunteered in another research study on depression where they played me Youtube videos through a VR headset and had me recount what I saw in detail.
I'm trying to be happy. I'm reminding myself to say hello to the doorman the first time I see him on his shift. Good morning. Hi. Have a nice night. The doormen start expecting my greeting and preemptively wave.
I'm reminding myself to read for pleasure sometime. To watch a movie on an international flight.
I returned late at night to my parking garage. I parked on the third floor and sat for a while. Two men in a sparkling SUV joked and hassled one another in the row behind me. I got out of my car and crossed to the elevator. When I hit the down button it lit up and then went out. I tried again, and the elevator would not come so I took the stairs. Behind me, a man dressed in all back descended from the floor above. We went slowly, me sore and limping from the basketball games I had just played, him keeping his distance.
The steel steps let out onto the down town sidewalk. I waited and held the door for the man as he exited. "That's so nice." He said to me.
