Annie in August.

"They pulled out."

"What?" I was in a tea shop. I had just stuffed a cream puff in my mouth before I got the call. I tried to gather the information while wiping off the powdered sugar garnish that landed on my lips. Mark was not good at filling in the necessary blanks of his message. Normally conciseness is good, given that everyone within the conversation knows what's going on. I bet he was good at breaking up with girls. Actually, I'm pretty sure he was on the other side of that equation.

"Chase middle school, they're out. Could you still get that other job you were looking into?"

No I cannot. Alright America, if you really don't want me to help you I'll back off.

"I'll figure something out, Thank you for informing me."

"I'm really sorry."

"Well, thanks."

I've got two flesh-eating blisters on the bottom of both feet. I have to walk on my tiptoes. I used to walk on my tiptoes by choice when I was three. I had to wear a cast to correct my bad habit. I also have a popped blood vessel in my left eye that is itchy and dry and somewhat terrifying to look at.

***

My sister squeals. "I AM SO EXCITED!!!" "I move into my dorm room in 2 days! Elizabeth hall 218!"
"Annie, how should I pack my clothes? Should I put everything in boxes? I cannot wait to live in my little room! I wish I could bring the puppy!"

***

"So, Annie."
"What's up, mom?"
"Because we are remodeling my bathroom and your bathroom at the same time, we are going to have to shower at the neighbor's. It actually works out perfectly!"
"I see."
"It will be a cottage theme. Granite counter tops."
"That should look nice."

***

"I am officially a student!"
"Congratulations, Dad! Are you excited?"
"Oh yeah, it should be a blast. I have orientation tomorrow and I'll sign up for my classes."

***

I turned down a teaching assistantship in France, a Masters in Teaching program, received rejection e-mails or phone messages from 19 out of the 20 Americorps positions that I applied for. I was hired by one position and a week later the job disappeared. The one thing I am good at is fucking up. (I don't actually believe that, but it almost needs to be said.)

I went for a bike ride today. Applied to another job. Read for awhile. First the newspaper, not so good. One teacher from every school in the Portland district will find out in the next week that they don't have a job come the first day of school. Many of them have families, mortgages, and a hopeful, but not an optimistic travel fund to see Europe for the first time next summer. Six million Pakistanis who were affected by the flooding are without any humanitarian aid. People are tired of giving funds to natural disasters. Haiti, Katrina, Sri Lanka. Besides, aren't there Taliban extremists in Pakistan? Yeah, and what about that mosque they want to build near ground zero?... you get the problem. I digress...

I switched my attention to Michael Charbon's The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier and Clay and a dictionary. He is a good writer. I wrote down my favorite words because of how they sound aloud. craggy. subsumed. sumptuous. limn. insalubrious. incongruous chrome. I never thought to pause and take note of how beautiful the English language can be. I've been stuck in French phrases and conjugations. I have so much to learn. So much to read.

A bird took a shit yesterday on my copy of Kavalier and Clay, my sundress, and my left knee.

I write this out of sheer wonder and amazement, not a cry for pity. In a strange, twisted way it's quite comical. After all, sometimes words of comfort lend greater credence to my fears of Annie in August and beyond.*

aplomb.
i'm surprisingly aplomb.


*= "...words of comfort lent greater credence to his fears." -Kavalier and Clay. Can't take credit for it.