The Top Ten Sexiest Aliens of All Time (and Space)

Admission: I didn't actually come up with ten. But if I could actually get a list like that together, wouldn't it be cool? I'm thinking that this could blossom into a wonderful discussion where we help introduce one another to new aliens with giant sex-appeal (and maybe tentacles).

Before we get started, I want to make it clear that I know of many more aliens than those that made this list. I'm not a sci-fi super geek/ expert by any means, but I do have a fondness for the genre and have been steeped in a diluted pot of it since I was a child. (And also, as genres go, I think it's one of the more fun ones.) The list is so short because I found myself being rather picky. Jessica and John (my alien-sexiness panel) talked it over with me and offered many more ideas, but I only wanted to choose those whom I was personally attracted to. Please, feel free to fill the comments with your own preferences.

I placed upon my list two other restrictions:

1. If the alien looks just like a human, their alien attributes must significantly enhance their sex appeal. They can't make the list based on the good-lookingness of the actor who plays them. This is why no Cylons made the list -- the sexiest, in my opinion, of the lot of them is one that you don't even know is a Cylon until very late in the series. And of their Cylon attributes -- how they put their hands into mechanized goo or get rebirthed out of more goo -- nothing can be said. The Cylon Raiders are actually a bit sexy, I think, in the same way that horses are a bit sexy. But John pointed out that they weren't actually aliens anyway since the Cylons were built by Cylons which were built by Cyclons which were [...] which were built by humans.

Jessica was more rigorous in her exclusions. She and her co-workers decided aliens who looked like humans were disqualified altogether.

2. I limited my list to one alien per story/universe/series. I did this because I thought that the post devolving into a close look at why I think the ninth doctor is sexy and the tenth doctor is sexy and the - etc. - would be dull.

So I actually have a top four sexiest aliens of time and space. Drum roll:

4. The Elites

These are aliens from the Halo universe. They are the most powerful alien race among the Covenant (a sort of alien UN). Elites are sexy at least partly because of a lack of competition - the rest of the Covenant is pretty ugly. Brutes are big and stupid, Grunts are small and stupid (but kind of cute), Hunters are large colonies of worms... Elites, though, are bold colors and they're fast and smart and tote an array of phallic-like weapons. (And although they have all those weapons, their seemingly preferred death-blow is a kick to the face, which says, arguably, that they like being close to you.) John takes issue with their backwards-facing knees, but I'm untroubled.

3. Q

From the Star Trek universe, Worf loses out to Q for me, which might be an unpopular choice. (It was to Jessica.) I will admit that somewhat in violation to restriction #1, Q earns several sexiness points for his dashingly well-formed chin. But his alienness helps immensely -- he's somewhat of a contradiction. (And complexity is sexy.) He's humanity's ambassador and judge from the Q Continuum. Their interests are in whether or not humanity deserves to exist; whether or not our potential makes up for the harm we've done to one another and to the universe. It is, essentially, a question of our responsibility, maturity, and goodness; all the while, Q himself acts immaturely and even maliciously. He's a great boy with a magnifying glass and we are his ants. Of course, this could all be a cover for his tenderness towards humanity, and through all his bored-seeming stunts, his pranks, his disrespect of authority, I think he has a deep-seated good heartedness and a desire to see humanity become something more than we thought we could be. 

2. Predator

Obviously. As Jessica points out: dreadlocks and fishnets. I'd like to add to that list his bulging, albeit slimy, quadriceps.

I saw Predator for the first time at Jessica's house in middle school or high school. (I can't remember when, exactly.) She was having a party, maybe a birthday party, and the movie was on in the living room. Since lots of people were over, the movie was muted. I was transfixed. I watched the whole thing - sans sound - and don't remember talking to anyone. After I finished, and most people had gone home, I started the movie over. This time I watched it with the sounds on. That night, when I went to bed, I had a wonderful dream: I dreamt that I was in the jungle, lying next to a lake who's banks were squeamy gray mud. The Predator was looking right at me! and I had to keep covering myself with this mud. I slid slowly and slowly into the lake. The jungle was full of bright greens and teals. I don't know if that sounds like fun, but I had a very good time.

And if that doesn't do it for you, there's still the dreadlocks, fishnets, and irresistible thigh muscles. (Obviously)

1. The TARDIS

Not just a time machine and space ship, the TARDIS is an alien in herself. She gets put (somehow) into a woman's body in one Doctor Who episode. She tells the doctor that she stole him rather than the other way around. And while sexiness is often thought of in terms of a viewer and object - of something to be determined by staring at something and making a static judgement - I think the sexiest trait in someone/somebeing else is the ability and opportunity to go with that person (or, you know, whatever). To  go see other things with that person, to set out for time and space, to be headed in the same direction - especially in a brand new one. 

Because you know what they say: "New directions lead to nude erections" and what's sexier than that?