There's a Limit to My Empathy

Friends keep recommending all these things for me to watch or read. I thought it'd be fairly obvious, but I have to tell them the reason I STAY AWAY.

Catcher in the Rye - guys, this is a book about a boy. That's like expecting me to read About a Boy. He goes to, like, a school with boys and talks a lot about what it's like to be him. I just can't relate. I shouldn't have to; I'm obviously not the target audience.

And then there's The Great Gatsby, which everybody says is such a classic. But I've never been a young man who's moved to Long Island. How do they expect me to connect with this character, to care about him? I don't know, male characters are a guy thing.

Brothers Karamazov? I mean they're brothers: my point exactly.

And then in TV, there are shows like Breaking Bad and Mad Men. Do I look like a man? Is that the problem? Am I not womanly enough for you? Why do you keep recommending stuff like that?

The Godfather, Fievel Goes West, Fight Club: these are films tailored towards the male demographic. They're dick flicks. No thanks.

It's not like I don't get why these things are made or why people watch them. Boys need entertainment, too.

But I have books that are meant for me: Hunger Games, Gone Girl, and To Kill a Mockingbird once somebody told me that Scout was a girl.

I like shows like Broad City and Girls... you know, female humor.

So to all you people out there trying to get me to watch guy stuff, stop wasting your time. Who do you think you're kidding, anyway?

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