1. The Wardrobe - Great drawers. Good in the bedroom.
2. Lumiere - So slender. So smooth.
3. Belle - Okay, fine.
4. Mrs. Potts - Supple. Often hot.
5. The Beast - Belle didn't just kiss him out of the goodness of her heart, now, did she?
6. The Napkins - Nicely color coordinated. And they're just pretty.
7. Phillipe - The Beast is also an animal, so.
8. The Stove - Mah mah mah mah mah mah
9. Cogsworth - He's, like, kind of portly and sassy. Seems like he could use a lay, and we always like to help a brother in need.
10. Chip - We know you were thinking it. Sicko.
Honorable mentions: the feather dusters, the coat hanger, Gaston