I had made a date to go hiking with a friend so we could strategize getting represented. Business! I got to the parking lot, and she was running behind -- by like an hour. I parked in the shade and rolled down the windows, leaned the seat back and listened to Dune on audiobook. It was hot, but the breeze felt nice. I half dozed.
I've been thinking about the concept of my experience being my responsibility. It's an extension on the idea that other people can't make you feel anything. They don't have that power over you unless you give it to them. Obviously, this only works so far. If someone is being cruel to you, that's going to feel bad. And people shouldn't act cruel. They should try to not act thoughtlessly. People should try to treat each other with care and respect. BUT but... with my friend, did I have to feel disrespected? Do I have to log what happened as, She disrespected me, and that's going on the ledger. If she keeps disrespecting me, then she's out? On the one hand, kind of yes. On the other... well, I had a nice time listening to my audiobook. Such a nice time that I was kind of hoping she all-out canceled on me, so I could listen/nap for a while and then go home. (We did end up hiking, and it was great.)
(I'm confident that her lateness has way more to do with her and what's going on in her life than it has to do with me or how she feels about me.)
If my experience is my responsibility, then I can't count on other people making me happy. Or put my happiness entirely in their hands, I guess. If something falls through on somebody else's end, my job is to pivot, take care of myself. Use my energy to save my experience rather than sit there and fume.
Whew, being alive is exhausting.
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