February 20, 2022

In Colorado. Went to a family recreation center with my parents and my brother and his family. There was a big indoor pool and a water play place. I followed my nephews around. I was wearing my bikini, which is too old, I need a new one. It felt awkward to be wearing it around all those kids and judgmental and/or zonked-out parents. It's the only suit I have right now, though. We did the slide, the lazy river, the hot tub. I was the first to go back to the locker rooms to shower and change. I walked right through one of those doors that says "Do not open, alarm will sound." The alarm sounded (then I read the warning sign). I turned around and told the lifeguard, "Sorry, I opened it." Everything was fine. The only notable thing here is that it's the first time I've ever set off an alarm like that. If I had done it when I was younger, the shame would have killed me. I was even a little surprised that I took it so nonchalantly, today. 

My dad likes telling me about hugely gruesome things that have happened (or supposedly happened). A lot of them include violence towards women or women being terrible. I could be reading into it as a pattern. I'm not averse to gruesome things, but there's something about having my dad tell me about it that makes it not fun at all. This time it was about a man in their Sunday school class who's schizophrenic. He's fine actually as long as he takes his medication, and he takes his medication. No, my dad wanted to tell me about a guy who used to be in their Sunday school class back when it was a singles group. He was this big guy and violent. They were all at a retreat once, and one of the other guys in the group noted that they needed to physically restrain this guy. They called the cops, and in the meantime, my dad was one of four men who were going to do the restraining. "If I see one person turn around, I'm running." My dad told the group. He was sure it was going to take all four of them, and he didn't want to be a part of it otherwise. 

"He murdered his wife," my dad said. 

"Cut out her ovaries," my mom added. And I mean it when I say, "added." She said it like it was just an addition. 

"We found out about it on the news," my dad said. "It was only a matter of time before he killed someone, we thought."