Why I'm Not a Mom

I got my hair cut today, and while trying to look like Carey Mulligan from Baz Luhrmann's The Great Gatsby, I'm afraid I got more of a mom haircut. In case anyone's worried like me, I made a list in order to soothe you. Here's how I know I'm not a mom:

  • I'm 25 
  • I allow the words "butt", "butthole", and "Harry Potter"
  • I do not make spaghetti
  • I like pointy things
  • I have job
  • Was never pregnant for, like, year
  • Did not live in shoe
  • Am not nice
  • Am not named "Theresa"
  • Have not confused uterus with belly
  • Mom and Dad are not grand

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