Assertiveness Class

I'm taking an online assertiveness class through West Los Angeles College. I'm on the second lesson (already behind), and I figured I'd do part of the exercise here. After doing the first lesson, I thought of how my dad is aggressive (in the passive, aggressive, assertive spectrum). I'd talked with my husband about how maybe my dad is autistic, but the aggressive idea fits better. Aggressiveness as a compensation for some shyness in speaking in front of groups, in compensation for not being very traditionally masculine -- despite being a big guy, my dad is more into socializing and computers and sugary drinks than sports and cold stoicism. 

Anyhow, I'm tired. Let's do this: 

Create a picture of yourself

When you are completely relaxed, create a vivid picture in your mind of how you would look as an assertive person. Create the picture of being assertive that you want. Visualize a setting and people with whom you want to be more assertive. See the colors of the surrounding and the clothes you each have on. Hear the sounds and sense the smells of the surroundings. See and hear yourself saying assertive sentences starting with "I think," "I feel," and "I want." Hear the clear, strong, steady tone of voice you are using. Hear the confident thoughts you are thinking to yourself. Visualize yourself standing in an assertive manner, comfortably but firmly balanced on both feet with your hands held loosely at your side. See yourself looking the other person straight in the eye.

This has gone better lately, and kind of out of the blue. I took photos at a fancy comedy event and didn't feel intimidated (like usual) by attractive wealthy-seeming women in stylish clothes. I went to a backyard screening and supported my friend. I went around with her to talk to people and mostly said nothing, but I stood there without feeling uncomfortable. 

I think the picture of me as an assertive person doesn't mean that I always am dressed just right. It doesn't mean that I always have something funny to say or the most insightful question to ask. It means that I show up, in whatever mood or circumstance I find myself in, and appreciate and approach other people as fellow human beings. I feel like I have a place there, that I am worthy of their time (as much as the next person). That they're their own psychological mess right below the surface, just like me. That we can chill. That it can go well or badly. But whatever happens it won't be a referendum on me and my worth as a person. It'll just be a time and one with maybe some exciting possibilities. 

Oh! I do my best to be clear and to be prepared and game and interested in the people who are there. But that's all bonus! That's not my price of entry, that's just me trying to do my best.