I was a guest on Tea with Alice today. I've been helping Alice produce season two of her podcast, and Guy Branum missed his initial recording time. So I stepped in. I'm not... um, obviously not as successful as Guy, or anybody else who's going to be a guest. And I talked about my separation. What a mix of things. I'm also listening to Melissa Febos's book Abandon Me. It's the last of her books I'm listening to (because it's only available on Audible as opposed to from the library), and it was the one I was most eager to read after finishing Body Work. I've liked it best so far. Which brings me back to knowing what I like. I think I will not like living at Noelle's because of the danger I will feel coming home there late at night. I think I will feel like the space is not mine. That I'm intruding. That I won't be able to relax. I hope I am wrong about those things.
This morning I thought about doing yoga to a youtube video near the poles. The morning light coming in. I've also been thinking about what she said about the loft - how it opens creative potential. How each year she's found herself able to manage. To continue on and in ways that are exciting and fulfilling.
I think I will miss Mitch's body at night. That familiarity we've built up over years. And even from the beginning how we were able to sleep together in a twin sized bed, curled up like kittens. That was always home to me.
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