My mother-in-law asked me to write a letter with marriage advise to my sister-in-law who's getting married. (I'm missing the bridal shower because of my upcoming writing retreat. I hate bridal showers, so I'm not heartbroken.) For my blog post today, I'm just going to put what I wrote to her. Ahem...
Congratulations to you and Jared for deciding to get married! That's a big deal! And will have a bunch of small, but cumulative, impacts on your life. My first (1) piece of marriage advice I give is that people should marry Mitch. He's a good person to be married to. But for you that would be both gross and illegal, so I'll move on to the rest of it. 2) Pay attention to your needs, and when you need something, ask directly. It can be counterintuitive to be vulnerable and blunt, and I think as women we're taught to minimize our own needs -- forget them if we can. But all humans have needs, and clearly communicating them is the best bet for getting them met. Trust that Jared will care and want to help. 3) Keep investing in yourself and your growth. Develop your interests, outlook, friends, etc. etc. 4) Your spouse will most likely be the person to see you at your worst, make the effort to give him your best from time to time as well. I think number five (5) would be: ask for help if you need it. Couples counseling is far from being the end of the world and has been a great experience for me and Mitch.
I liked writing it once I started getting going. I almost recommended she read Esther Perel, but I figured I had gone on long enough. How to be happy in marriage is a giant and interesting challenge. Maybe we should talk about it more.
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