Last night, I had a table read for my screenplay BREAKING UP IS EASY. I figured I'd use the blog this morning to synthesize the notes, so hopefully whenever I get the chance to rewrite I'll be able to remember what it was I wanted to do.
- Get to the house sooner, maybe even start there. The beginning of the script drags. Get to the conflict/action right away.
- Early on could have Leila and George practicing/doing a dress rehearsal for how they want the party to go. Enough that we get the stakes for them, learn about the house, and get a template for what to expect. That way, when things go wrong, the audience really tracks with how reality differs from the plan. Plus more opportunity for visual gags and to make the movie more cinematic and less like a play.
- Find out what happened to Leila in Houston (the Instagram Live SNAFU that ruined her reputation). George could be partially to blame which is why he's working so hard to redeem himself. (George's dialogue needs to be sorted out too. "yes" not "yeah")
- Garret seems unrealistically involved since he's just a guy Leila met on the slopes. Call it out more.
- Round out the characters a little more generally, I think. Even if I don't use some of the backstory info, I'd like to feel like these are real, if exaggerated, people. Watch THE HOUSE OF YES for example of a similar relationship dynamic to Addie/Adam.
- I'm over explaining in the scene directions a couple of place. Like when George falls off the back of the snowmobile, we know why. We can cut to the glasses and that's plenty of explanation. Don't have to outright say that he's been drugged.
- I think it's funnier if Uncle Roy just stays sleeping, rather than actually dying.
- Maybe Addie and Garret start an actual thing. Addie's maybe trying to get over Adam or at least make him jealous but it doesn't work. That way it's even darker when she sells out Garret. I enjoy setting up the expectation of a romantic comedy, that Addie and Garret will wind up together. That Garret's her true love right under her nose -- and he is! But Addie's myopathy is going to prevent her from realizing that.
- We leave Molly alone in the garage for a while in the last quarter of the script. She probably needs to have something to do. Maybe Leila locks her in there? Although it's unclear why exactly she'd do that. Maybe Leila and George have created some kind of Lifestyle Experience and they want to make sure Molly spends a lot of time enjoying it.
- Lastly, burying the body is unrealistic when it's that cold outside. They could be dismembering it and breaking holes in the ice that's covering the river and tossing the pieces of Garret in there.
No comments:
Post a Comment