It's been a rough couple of days. A lot of anxiety, and I think it might be because I have this contract for a screenplay in the works. It's terrifying to think that my thing might get made, that people might see it and laugh at it. It's also terrifying to think it will fall through, considering it took getting a nine on the Blacklist -- when a reviewer I talked to said that he had read thousands of scripts and never given one nine. Then with that recognition, the script got 25 downloads from industry professionals. And of those 25, one person has reached out. That feels like a huge hill to have to climb for things to just float away. It's a bad business, is what I'm saying.
Getting a movie made is a LOT of work. It's kind of shocking to me that people do it at all.
The other thing that's stressing me out is having read STATUS ANXIETY. And you know what that means...
BLOG time!
de Botton, Alain – STATUS ANXIETY
Published: 2004
Read: 7/2021
This book tracks how material wealth and material gains haven’t led to greater satisfaction in democratic capitalistic societies. Satisfaction, or its reverse: envy, leads from comparing ourselves to those we consider our equals. This is possible in societies that consider themselves meritocracies. Because in a meritocracy, one’s accomplishments and wealth are taken to be a reflection of one’s character. If you’re a success, you deserve it. If you’re a failure, you deserve it. The consequences of failure, or low status in a society, can be a broad dismissal from your peers. You’re seen as insignificant, repugnant, or dull. The world doesn’t shower its love upon you. The benefits of high status are obvious: love, attention, material wealth which comes from a high valuation.
De Botton gives some solutions to this misery-making phenomenon. One is through a kind of philosophy – stop despising the thought of being like everybody else. Evaluate people higher, not based on social hierarchy but on their innate humanness. Resist the temptation to be a snob. Remember that we’re all going to die. Look at art that depicts the beauty of everyday life. Wean yourself off of luxury magazines and influencers’ Instagram pages. Appreciate simplicity. Read poetry about the chopping of peppers. Stuff like that.
He talks about religion, about how much of Jesus’ teachings warns about worldly significance. The rich have to enter heaven like a camel through the eye of a needle, and all that. It teaches service – purposefully lowering oneself – and humility. It says that the hierarchy of the world does not match the eternal hierarchy of heaven.
Finally, de Botton considers Bohemianism, purposefully upsetting and taking potshots at the bourgeoisie. Finding a community of like-minded individuals so that you may be loved and esteemed for things like the pursuit of art and the ability to amuse, rather than wealth and accomplishment.
Let me tell you what, this book ripped through me. It’s made me anxious all week. I started listening to it again – it’s quite dense so concepts pass by quickly – but I decided not too, because I want to stop thinking about it. It’s tapped into my experience in middle school and high school. I tried to befriend the popular crowd and was rejected. Because of that rejection, I feel low in the status hierarchy. It felt like people were actually afraid to talk to me because of my low status. Someone could see them! Status is contagious.
On top of that, I now live in Los Angeles, a city that’s obsessed with social status (maybe more than any other city on earth). Money is made based on how “hot” you are alone. Your movie does well: everybody loves you, they clamor to talk to you. Your next movie does poorly: they don’t want to be seen with you, your phone calls go unanswered. My teacher, who’s a professional screenwriter, told me recently, “It’s not a dog-eat-dog business. It’s a dog-stops-returning-dog’s-phone calls business.” They won’t run you out of town. They’ll just ignore you. It’s tough in a city where many people come in order to try to be loved – for their looks, their creativity, their gifts.
I want that high status, you know? Nothing colossal, just enough where people will be nice to me by default. I’ve had too many instances where people – friends, even – seem surprised that I’ve done something worthwhile. Painted or wrote something. Survived in a big city. Cracked a joke. It sucks.
But I also want to be happy, to be satisfied. To be able to suffer misjudgment from a stranger and to shake it off. De Botton writes how unsteady our estimation of our own worth. I feel that for sure. I know myself to be lots of things: intelligent and slow, outrageous and dull, engaging and shy, talented and unremarkable, beautiful and plain. I really am all of those things, and my brain is searching for it to be one or the other. It thinks that other people are going to be able to let me know which it is.
Blindboy talks about how having high self-esteem doesn’t mean you think you’re great. It just means you think you’re alright, that you have value just like every other human. It just means you think, “I’m grand.” I’m alright. Back to my senior year of college – that sometimes it has to be enough that I’m a child of God. And if that’s what matters about me, it’s something I share with every other person. No more. No less.
Rating: ★★★
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