April 15, 2021

Yesterday, I had walktails with a friend. (We drank cocktails and walked her dog.) I'm trying to be more expressive of my thoughts and opinions, even if they're contrary to my friends' point of views. I don't want to do this excessively. I'm not interested in being argumentative. I guess it's just that I want to be able to switch into that gear, as opposed to being in the Supportive Friend gear 24/7. I think it went okay yesterday. I noticed that the conversation felt more risky than it would in SF mode, and I walked away from it feeling more tired. I'm also realizing that I could be paying closer attention, -- I've been reading another Tana French novel and her detectives pay very close attention --  watching people for reaction, noting the little gaps before they speak, stuff like that. Why? Because if I'm going to be switching into different friend gears, then I probably should know when it's a good idea to do it. 

My husband and I watched John Oliver's episode about Nursing Homes and Assisted Living Facilities. It was horrifying, especially since it's something I worry about anyway. I don't think I want to have kids, so my care and status at the end of my life is a big question mark anyway. Maybe by then no one will care about me. On top of that, I'm trying to get into a silly industry and make a living as a writer. The second best thing to having your kids take care of you is having your gobs of money take care of you. I guess fingers crossed that I have gobs of money by then.... 

In this week's zoom podcast salon, one of the participants (a guy in his 30s living in Seattle) disclosed that he had a vasectomy appointment scheduled and was kind of freaking out about it. He said that he knew he didn't want kids and had come to the conclusion that he shouldn't be putting the burden of birth control entirely on his partners. He also said he'd been having reoccurring nightmares of getting someone pregnant. He's mostly a quiet stoic-seeming computer-ish guy during the conversations, but this had got him running a hand through his hair and his voice up a few notches. I thought it was interesting - and actually pretty amazing that he was taking responsibility and control of his reproductive capacities. Good job, that guy. We support you in whatever you decide.