Yesterday, I read the first draft of my husband's book, Wildhaven. I liked it a lot. I'm going to write my notes here (because I need to send them to him), and I can write anything I want on here.
1) Pace/Style - the writing style and the pace of the writing is fairly similar throughout. Think about speeding up the writing pace -- and/or changing the writing style to make it more impressionistic rather than descriptive -- when the character is going through intense situations. Note: at times Chris ought to be in shock, write like he's in shock. The running commentary in his head ought to be disrupted in some way.
2) Jay's character is set up wonderfully in the beginning, but then we don't hear/see much of him throughout the middle. He's a great character. Think about keeping him prominent throughout the book.
3) In the Mikey chapters, you sometimes call his older brother Ronny.
4) Voice -- Mikey and Chris are similarly aged and both within the confines of Christianity. I'd try to make the voice in Mikey's chapters a greater departure from Chris's voice than it is right now. (It's already different, but I'd make it even more different if you can.) Although, I do like that the characters have some similarities because that makes them coming together in the end feel satisfying.
5) The ending is a little ragged. I think all the elements are there but they might be in the wrong order. The intensity should continue to ramp up until the climax is actually over (and the mountain has exploded). Right now the intensity ebbs before the climax is done. It's jarring and feels unrealistic. We should really depart from normal camp, by this point.
Okay, I think that's it. Will send to Mitch! Like I said, I think his stuff is good. I hope he gets published soon.
Mlog time!
**SPOILERS**
LE SAMOURAI
1967
Directed by: Jean-Pierre Melville
Written by: Jean-Pierre Melville
Watched: 4/26/21
Jef Costello carries out a hit on a man who (presumably) owns a nightclub. He’s seen y the piano player and several other people in the club. He’s worked out a tight alibi, but when he’s picked up by the police, they think that he’s their man. The alibi works (for now) and Jef is released. When he goes to pick up his payment for the hit, however, the man he meets tries to kill him. His employers figure he’s dangerous since he was seen. Jef gets away and tries to figure out exactly who hired him – trying to get to them before they get to him. Jef manages to dodge the police and kill the man who ordered the initial hit. He’s under contract for one more hit and goes back to the club, this time not trying to hide his presence at all. He stands in front of the piano player, pointing his gun at her, the police arrive and shoot him to death. They discover his gun had no bullets.
I should add that his original alibi was upheld by his lover. The police continue to hassle her, figuring they can break her. When Jef returns to her, he promises to put everything right – which is presumably his motivation for committing suicide by cop.
This move is pretty cool. Very spare and atmospheric. Little details give us big clues. Like for example, Jef’s spare studio apartment has a birdcage in the middle with a finch. Jef is able to tell, based on the finch’s behavior when his room has been bugged or when someone is hiding out. Later, when Jef goes to his lover, he can tell that she’s in distress even though she denies it. She’s like the finch. Jef is intuitive and observant. The movie also does a great job of showing us Jef is very good at his job while also making a bunch of things go wrong for Jef. He’s rogue, very competent, and up against the world. It’s pretty great.
Rating: ★★★
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